three's company ...

ok, so i know three posts in one day is a bit over the top. can anyone say "over compensating?" i've got the bug now and i just wanted to blog about this past weekend.

i was lying on my sofa watching television this past saturday, minding my own business, and trying to nap as i had a house warming party to go to later that evening. usually when i'm trying to nap i ignore any and all distractions such as my telephone ringing or someone at my door, but this particular afternoon when my phone buzzed, something possessed me to pick it up and look at it. it was a text message.

text message: this number still work?

it was from my first boyfriend ever, rich, who was also my very first love. i hadn't seen rich in roughly 11 years--closer to 12--and i responded with a "it sure does." a few minutes later i get another text advising me that rich was up from florida and in DC visiting his friend amber. my eyes got big. so i sent a text back.

me: oh ya? what are you up to? i'd really love to see you.
rich: nothing at the moment and i'd love to see you as well.

we chatting a bit through text message--why i didn't just pick up the phone and call is beyond me--and we settled on a game plan and rich took the metro out to greenbelt station, approximately an hour away from me, and i was there to greet him when he arrived. seeing him again, walking across the parking lot toward my jeep, was like a physical blow to my chest.

we'd met a lifetime ago on an online chat engine and several times over the next year or two, we were able to meet in real life at some weekend BBQs hosted by some of the other members of the chatter and we quickly developed a strong friendship which evolved into more. we decided we were going to make it official and began dating. although we now considered ourselves boyfriends, there was one little problem. rich lived in kentucky and i was up in maryland and--to make a long story short--even with frequent visits, the relationship only lasted for about another year and a half to two years and we decided that the distance was too much and we broke up. we kept in touch via the phone and the chatter, but after a while, the chatter kind of died out and then the phone conversations, as with all things, slowly began to ebb until they were virtually nonexistent.

about 4 years ago, i found rich's number and gave him a call, surprising him. lines of communication opened again and we chatted fairly frequently. i was dating steven at the time and i'm a completely monogamous person so i never thought of rich in that romantic context while i was with steven and the issue never came up. once again, however, our phone calls faded and then stopped altogether.

now, though, after seeing him again this past weekend ... every single emotion i've ever felt for rich ... every feeling i've ever had for him, came rushing back in a single monumental lurch and i knew then, as i looked at him on the drive back to my place, that i was done letting him slip through my fingers. we've had a few chances in the past to be together, but one thing or another prevented us and i'm done.

i've come to realize that i do love rich with all of my heart and i want to be with him and no other and i will do whatever it takes to have him in my life. i want to get a house with him ... i want to grow old with him. rich was my first love and i want him to be my last.

i'm sorry. i'm really not used to talking about my emotions like this, so please forgive if my thoughts seem a bit scattered. i'm usually the bitter, cynical fella, but rich just evokes a softer side in me ... a more emotional side.

a few days ago i decided i'd lay it all on the line to rich and tell him how i feel, though i tried tactfully to not scare him off. he seemed very receptive to my words and to my statement of "i want to be with you," he replied that a long distance relationship would only be a temporary fix, which to some might seem like a more negative response, however, the way he said it gave promise to the possibility of us living together.

i would love for rich to move up here to maryland to be with me. there are some really nice town homes that i think we'd be very happy in and i have so many friends up here, along with my family, that i would hate to move away. while i know that rich also has a lot of friends down in florida, his family is in ohio which would mean he would be closer to them if he was up here and he would already have another friend in the area too, as amber is in DC. obviously i haven't reached the point yet where i talk to rich about moving. i understand things need to be taken slowly, but i do know that my feelings for him won't change. i love rich ... i've always loved rich.

omg, i'm so sappy! i've half a mind to not post this ... but that would be unfair to rich and myself and you all. this is another side of me you get to see that, i'm pretty sure, i haven't shown yet.