FAQ

i'm writing a little FAQ (frequently asked questions) to help you all understand my absence and my subsequent return.

where the fuck have you been?
whoa ... whoa ... simmer down ... let's not start this thing off with swearing. for your information, i've been around ... just not online much.

why not?
well, if you've read my previous post, i explain why i was gone.

i've read it, but it's not good enough. sounds like a lame excuse to me.
hmm. you're an asshole. lame or not, it's the excuse i give because it's the truth. with this new job i'm uber busy all day and really don't have time to blog, coupled with the fact that everything we do on the internet is monitored and nearly every site that is for entertainment purposes is blocked. we can't even view job recruitment websites unless it's for our own company.

what can we expect from you now?
well, that's a good question. i'm going to try my best to blog as much as i can. i have fridays off now so it--hopefully--won't be a problem for me to log on real quick and post something.

we've heard that before.
that's not a question.

we've heard that before? is that better, asshole?
hmm. you're in a mood. anyway ... yes, i know i've said that i am going to try and be on more and blog more and all that jazz, but this time i think i might be able to follow through with my declaration.

what makes this time any different?
well, when i tried to log on this morning to blog i realized that i'd forgotten all of my login information and i therefore spent the better part of an hour trying to figure all that shit out. i would attempt to recover my password only to find out the email i was using was either completely invalid or not associated with gmail or blogger. so, i had to figure out which email i used then had to figure out which password--of the many that are floating around in my head--that i used. it was very frustrating but i stuck it through to the end and i figured it out. now, does that sound like something i would do if i was just going to be flippant about this whole thing?

what does flippant mean?
means frivolous or not taking this seriously.

ok, thank you. moving on. what can we expect in terms of blog content?
see, now that's a good question. i plan on returning to my old sarcastic--

yeah, we like that.
um, can i finish without being interrupted, please?

oh, yeah ... sure, i'm sorry.
anyways ... i plan on returning to my old sarcastic, witty and bitter ways. i know of at least one or two people who will be happy to have me back, but i can't speak for everyone else. they won't even know i've blogged unless they have me on an RSS feed.

that kinda sucks.
in the form of a question, please.

oh for fuck's sake! that kinda sucks?
yes, yes it does.

what's that smell?
what smell?

hey, i'm the one asking the questions here! you don't smell that?
no, i really don't.

oh, maybe it's just me. anyways, so, when can we expect your "sarcastic, witty and bitter ways," as you put it?
not sure yet. i'm a bit rusty so i'll need some time to get back into the swing of things.

ok, well, one last question. are you glad to be back?
i am and i've missed everyone and i will try and be better this time and post blogs more frequently. i'm sorry--

yes, yes, we know ... you're sorry. i have no more questions for you. goodbye!