i want to be a part of it ... new york, new york!

hello there, my loyal fans and fannesses ... i have missed you. did you miss me? i knew you did.

this past weekend, jamie and i traveled up to NYC (brooklyn) to visit my brother and attend a halloween shindig he was planning. all day friday i was dreading the amount of work i was going to have and planning on getting out of work late. usually i get out of work very late on mondays and fridays and so, all day i was praying to the all-powerful workload gods that they would be lenient. apparently my prayers only got halfway through. i looked at my workload and sighed ... i got about 50% more work than i usually get during the week, which is bad. however, upon closer examination i only got about 50% of the work i normally get on fridays, so while i was busy ... i wasn't busy. i managed to leave work a little after 7 p.m., i think, i don't remember, and i went straightaway to jamie's house. i would have been there sooner, but i got lost. i know, i know ... i've been to jamie's house countless times but i had never travelled there immediately after work so i got confused ... it's not very difficult to confuse me.

i meet up with jamie, we shoot the shit for a little bit and then load the car and then depart. bitching betty was all set up, her volume loud enough to be heard over the ipod (80's and 'they might be giants' the whole way). we stopped in deleware at a rest stop overpopulated by truckers, old tourists, thuggy people who pick up old receipts off of urinals to read them as they pee (it happened right next to me. eww. why would you even touch something left on a urinal?) and a troop or two of boyscouts. (shut up, jamie!) see if i ever crack jokes again. apparently i can't even glance at someone w/o jamie thinking i'm a peder. no thank you. so, we picked up a bite to eat at sbarro's (spinach & broccoli pizza pie pocket thingie) and a garlic stick. i also had a piece of the pepperoni and italian sausage pizza. we eat and then resume our trip. we ended up getting up to brooklyn close to 11 pm. we chilled out with my brother, amanda and brian (their roommate). we had a few beers, talked and then called it a night.

author's note: i know that i am repeating a lot of what jamie said.

the next morning we got up and started preparing for the party. i'll summarize:

>> buying groceries
>> pumpkin carving (have pictures)
>> toasting pumpkin seeds
>> buying alcohol
>> picking up leaves (jamie and i)
>> decorating
>> ironing my costume
>> having a couple celebratory beers

as jamie stated in his blog, he wasn't feeling well so i made him walk with me to the store to get some ice and so he could get some fresh air.

after 8 pm the guests begin to arrive. i'm decked out in my nun costume, jamie with his dick in a box, my brother as a brokeback cowboy or woody from toy story ... whatever, and amanda as a mermaid. at first we thought one of the girls was dressed as tootsie from the movie, can you guess it? ... tootsie. apparently, that's her normal garb. wow, new yorkers dress horribly. more on this in a bit*.

so, long story short, all of the guests arrive (whereas only like 1 other person dressed up if you don't count my brother's stalker who is trying very hard to go for that 'single white female' schtick and be, look and act just like him), which ended up being more of brian's friends than my brother's or amanda's. the pumpkin seeds we baked that afternoon (with lots of salt and garlci powder) were a big hit and were cleaned out in fairly short order. we drank, had a great time, and jamie's costume was a big hit until it broke off. his poor, poor dick in a box.

the next morning, jamie, my brother, amanda and i went to teddy's for brunch where i downed 3 bloody marys to recoup from the previous night of drinking while jamie, in his snobbish sort of way, drank mimosas. we ate, went back to the apartment, hung out for a bit, then jamie and i had to leave. we bid them farewell and got on the road. took us about 5 hours due to quite a bit of traffic on the jersey turnpike and at one point, i ended up falling asleep while jamie drove and jammed to bjork.

all in all it was a great weekend and i had a lot of fun and cannot wait to go up there again! it was great to see my brother and meet amanda and i miss them already. i love my brother to death and can't wait to see him again. also, this was jamie's and my first road trip together, we realized, but i hope it was only the first of many. he's a great road trip partner!

*NOTE: new yorkers wear the tightest, thinnest jeans imaginable. it's like baggy pants are sooooo last year. ick.

triumphant return

it's been some time since i've blogged and i apologize for my absence. i've been working many, many long hours at work and, being that i usually blog at work, i haven't been at my desk for most of those days and when i am, it's a fleeting visit.

lesions and coffee ...
ok, today i'm going to start off with a rant about one of my favorite things to rant about .... dunkin' donuts. man, i'm telling you ... i'm not even a huge fan of their coffee, but it's close and convenient for me when i am on my way to work. i'd be happier if there was a starbuck's or a caribou coffee, however, there isn't. anyway ...

so, today i go in and order my usual. the woman behind the counter taking my order is a person that i've seen maybe one other time in there and she never waited on me and i thought she was only a baker or something. apparently not. she asks if she can help me and my eyes wander to the large lesion blossoming on her left temple ... it looks bloody and i think i detect oozing ... not a pretty image as i order my coffee. she's disheveled and her hair is in disarray and images of the green-faced witch from the bugs bunny cartoons (you know the one where she leaves hairpins spinning in the air as she dashes off after bugs bunny while cackling witchily--is that even a word?). so, i order my coffee and she rings me up and then a guy behind her goes, "oh, we don't have lids so we can give it to you without a lid if you want." um ... what? in hindsight i should have said yes, then spilled it on me and burnt the hell out of my legs and then sued ... yeah, it says "CAUTION: HOT COFFEE" on the cup, but that's assuming that a lid accompanies the cup, yes? anyway, so i get an iced coffee instead. seriously tho? what fucking coffee place doesn't have lids? i mean, that's akin to walking in there and ordering a coffee and them saying, "oh, well, we don't have cups. i can pour it in your hands if you'd like." it's so frustrating. hot coffee is what gets my blood flowing in the morning. fucking dunkin' donuts.

marlboro baby ...
so ... the good mother had her baby, finally ... randy joe is his name ... wait, what? it's a girl, you say? a girl named randy joe? are you fucking kidding me? randy joe? randy joe? randy fucking joe? where the fuck are you from? come to find out, it's actually miranda jo (which, in my opinion, is just as white-trash as 'bobbi sue'). now, on the serious side ... miranda jo was born 4lbs and change ... the poor thing. she's currently in an incubator and it pisses me off that this poor child already has been dealt a shitty hand from the beginning. the good mother is evil.

now, previous to her giving birth to miranda, she was diagnosed with eclampsia, which is a complication of pregnancy involving high blood-pressure which is extremely dangerous for the baby. well, don'tcha know that the good mother signs herself out of the hospital A.M.A. (against medical advice) because they won't let her go down for cigarettes. are you kidding me?? jesus christ!! so, she gets admitted to the hospital again and she tells one of my co-workers that she's being held hostage by the doctors and nurses. they won't let her do anything and they don't know what they are talking about. man ... this woman gets fucking bonkers without her nicotine, doesn't she? anyway, they induced labor, i guess because of complications, and now poor little baby is incubating and i seriously hope that everything goes well for her. as for her mother ... she's going to hell.

move-in date ...
so, i finally got my move-in date for my new apartment in dundalk. i go and sign the lease on the 1st and get my keys and i actually move-in on the 3rd, which is that weekend. i've already contacted BGE and got the ball rolling with them and i've contacted comcast regarding cable and internet, but damn, that shit's expensive so i'm debating on whether i can do without a DVR for a while ... i mean ... it's only $11.00 more a month and it's damn useful and, well .. fuck it, i'm getting it ... so ... i guess i'll call and set up a time for them to come out on the 3rd in the later afternoon to get my shit setup. i can't see the actual moving process taking a long time, though i could be greatly under-estimating the quantity of my shit.

i'm so excited! i can't wait to move in. apparently i share the back wall of the apartment with eric and keith, two of my friends, so that'll be very cool. i know jamie is helping me move and i think steven said he would help as well, but i hafta give him a call. if anyone else wants to help ::cough cough:: mrstwink, theresa ::cough cough:: then let me know. i jest. i think we'll actually have enough people helping assuming steven comes, what with myself, my father, jamie and steven. but don't worry, kiddies ... i'll be having a little housewarming get-together soon. i'm registered at best buy. if you all want to go in together on the 56-inch widescreen tv, that's cool ... i know that even tho i only get one gift from you people, i'll know it's a gift fraught with love.

oh, one other thing i forgot to mention. i just found this funny. i was talking to connie, the apartment manager, about getting the phone numbers for BGE and comcast in that area and as the call was concluding, i told her to have a great day. her response ... "you too, babe." i bet she's cool as shit ... until my toilet breaks ... bitch.

afterparty? more like after-blah-y.

i can't believe i neglected to relay the most tragic part of this weekend ... the afterparty.

ok, so we leave the club ... i can hardly walk ... standing upright is proving to be difficult ... i'm really ready to go home and go to bed ... yeah ... not quite.

i get informed that we are going to an afterparty at some guy named ron's house. my hopes and dreams dissolve before my eyes ... home was going to be a very long time away ... i could feel it. so, we walk to this guy's house and no one exactly knows where this apartment is and we get to the 6th floor and find what we think is the apartment and everyone is afraid to knock. david is standing in front of the door, so me, being the ass that i am, knock real loud and then run away, leaving david standing there in a state of bewilderment as the door is opened. turns out we had the right place.

they invite us in and the apartment is actually kinda cool, except the pieces of woodchips laying everywhere ... which was from the beautiful puppy they were babysitting. this dog was adorable and very friendly and became my buddy.

ok, let me set the scene ... baltimore apartment ... low lighting ... bachelor furniture ... a dining room table with an enormous, gaudy bouquet of flowers in the center ... a sideboard where the alcohol was ... and that's all i remember about the appearance. oh yeah, and woodchips everywhere. i'll get to that.

ron: ::with a thick slavic accent:: hello. would you like a tour? this is the food. this is the alcohol. please be making a drink.

i look at the drink selections and am amazed by the plethora of alcohol. peach absolut and skyy. that's it. as for mixers? the cranberry juice container is empty ... i ask if he has more.

me: do you have any more cranberry juice? ::i've already filled my plastic cup with a fair amount of peach vodka::
ron: i will check. ::moments later:: i have iced tea.
me: ::shrugs:: ok.

so, i make an icepick with the peach vodka and iced tea and, tho it might be because i was fairly trashed, it tasted ok. of course, now that i am drinking again, i'm getting a bit peckish and i turn my attention to the food. there's a large platter on the dining room table which contained cheese and pepperoni ... 5 pieces of cheese and 2 slices of pepperoni, to be exact. they went all out. we got the leftovers ... both food and drinks. hot!

this other guy from england, tho i can't think of his name, pulls out his travel dj booth and sets up and begins to dj the party which, at this time, included: myself, jamie, tom, david, bob, brie and some other people and the hosts. i'd say about 10 people total. i found this really funny as he had his headphones on, one side off so he could hear the party, and he was spinning like a pro ... it just seemed so out of place.

long story short, i played with the dog most of the party (who was chewing on a branch and leaving woodchips lying all over the apartment. have i mentioned the woodchips yet?), hung out the window with carter and smoked and made fun of the party before we got kicked out at 4 a.m. we had a 1 1/2 hour afterparty. rock on!

after that, jamie, tom and i went to papermoon and had breakfast/dinner/whatever. it was yummy. i got a bleu cheese burger ... zomg, it was amazing. or i was drunk. whatever.