bittersweet endings ...

as i write this post, i have less than an hour at this job and i've got mixed feelings about that. while i am glad to be leaving a place that doesn't value their employees--a place that won't fight to keep the good ones and get rid of the bad ones--i'm also a bit sad as i've made a number of friends here in the 8 months that i've been employed at this location.

daisy dyke sent out an email yesterday asking if anyone would be interested in going to happy hour after work today. she told me she did this and i expected maybe 5 people to respond. well, apparently half the office plans on being there tonight and that makes me feel really good. throughout the day today i've been receiving emails--not those chain letter bullshits i usually get--wishing me well and telling me how wonderful it was to work with me; words of encouragement. i hate to admit it, but i think i teared up a couple of times. i really didn't expect any sort of outpouring such as that and it makes me feel good. nearly everyone, if not all, commented how i was able to bring a smile to their face at a place they really didn't feel like being ... how i could make them laugh.

i've always been a firm believer in that if i can brighten one person's day throughout the course of my own, then i've accomplished my own personal mission. i truly love to make people smile and it does my heart good to know that i've touched as many people here as i have ...

oh boy ... i sure hope HR doesn't read that last line!

so, the next time i manage a post at work, i'll have new people to write about and new stories to tell. hopefully i will keep up with the blog as well as i think i've done while here, as most of my postings were made while on the clock!

thank you to all the wonderful and colorful people i've had the pleasure to work with over the past 8 months. it's been real!

quick update

i totally meant to post about this yesterday when i got home from work, but i got to doing other things and i forgot.

yesterday i kinda bitched about not getting any call backs from any of the resumes i submitted and i had submitted 3 more yesterday--all to the same company ... 2 for specific positions and then 1 general submission for anything i might be qualified for--and at about 4 p.m. i get a call on my cell phone. i don't recognize the number but i answer it because hey, it may be a call about my resume. i wasn't disappointed when i picked it up and heard a sweet voice say, "may i speak to geoff [last name]?" i knew then it was a callback. yay!

so, i have a job interview on friday at 2:30 p.m. for a claims specialist with this company! wish me luck! i will definitely keep you updated as to my progress.

also, today a funny thing happened. i got called into the big boss' office and she was asking if i was putting my resume out. i nodded and told her i had a job interview on friday and she congratulated me as well as wishing me luck. however, her next words made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

big boss: i really hate that we're letting you go. i really think this is only a lull and i'd really like to have you back here on a permanent basis and if it were up to me, you wouldn't be leaving at all.

i dunno if she was only blowing smoke up my ass, but someone told me that she never says stuff like that to anyone ... that she wouldn't even piss on you to save your life if you were on fire, so for her to make a comment like that means that she is definitely impressed with me. however, my take on that is ... if you are so impressed with someone and they do a great job at work, then you work around budget issues and you keep that person and get rid of one of the many fuck-ups who don't do anything worthwhile in the company. but that's just my opinion. obviously, i'm not a CFO.

words are nice ... actions are better.

"and now for my next trick .... nothing up my sleeve ..."

this will be a short post today. i know that i haven't posted in a few days, but i have other things on my mind at the moment, so i apologize.

yesterday
yesterday, on one of my breaks, daisy dyke and i were outside having a cigarette when old skool showed up. if you're unfamiliar with old skool, she's the one who related the story of her cousin--or some relative--who stabbed her cheating hubby/boyfriend with a stiletto heel. anyway, so apparently yearly reviews came up at work and everyone is on edge as it is with all the lay offs that are going around like the plague. well, apparently old skool didn't receive a very promising review and thus had this to say about the woman who reviewed her ...

old skool: she can bite my click ... and i ain't no lesbian!

i think she meant to say 'clit' but damn, that was funny and i choked a bit laughing.

today
daisy dyke and i were out having a cigarette this morning and we're out there for about 5 minutes just chatting and whatnot when daisy stretches and i see this huge lump on her arm and was just about to ask what the hell that was when daisy screams:

daisy: what the fuck is in my sleeve?!

she reaches up inside her sleeve and gets a hold of whatever is in there and starts to pull it out. it ended up being a large washcloth and i completely lost it ... to the point that i was crying and having trouble breathing and i think i snorted a few times. she looked like some sort of magician pulling a line of hankies from her sleeve. it was damn hilarious (though i have a feeling this may be one of those 'location appreciation' jokes and you 'had to be there.') i was waiting for her to pull a rabbit out of her ass. oh ... good times ... good times indeed.

update
i talked to my contracting agency today and as of yet they don't have anything lined up for me after this contract ends. i'm a bit perturbed about this and the fact that i've heard nothing back from the numerous resumes i have submitted to various positions within various companies. ugh! i can't afford to be out of work and this is coming at a bad time. oy. i need to quickly get my taxes done so i can get something back soon.

i'm irritated and stressed beyond belief right now!

how is everyone else doing? hopefully good. has anyone ever gone to work with something else inside their clothing? i had a sock in my pant leg one time that i pulled out and got quite a laugh from co-workers at my previous job. anyone else?

just an observation ...

i like to think that i'm a fairly decent judge of character, though i do have my moments where i make a bad call ... i know, i know ... thank god these are infrequent. however ... i would like to tell you all about mark ... the 7-11 worker who covers the night shift.

if you've been reading my blog for a while, you will remember that i generally post about my [coffee bitches] and/or the locations that i stop at before work. well, this is a resurgence.

being as there are no dunkin' donuts or starbucks around where i live--or at least none that i've found--i've been forced to buy coffee from a convenience store. while this may not seem bad to some people, my palate is thoroughly disgusted with me and has threatened to leave. but i digress.

so, every morning i go into 7-11 where i usually run into mark and debbie and while debbie is a complete sweetheart, mark is her polar opposite. it's not even that he's rude, but he never seems to be having a good morning or at the very least, didn't have a good night.

me: good morning!
mark: is it? ::snidely::
me: i guess not ...
debbie: good morning. ::big smile::
mark: ::mumbling under his breath as he makes coffee:: good morning to some people.
me: ::ignores him and makes coffee::

i go up to the counter and pay for my purchases and as i go to leave i tell them to have a great day.

debbie: you too!
mark: yeah. ::snidely::

i have a distinct feeling mark is not happy with his job.

so, because of this, i'm on the verge of never getting coffee there ever again. i've seen those videos where disgruntled employees pee in a coffee pot ... am i drinking caffeinated urine? god, i hope not ... but now that that image is in my head ... i'm terrified of him. he's the guy that will pull out an ak-47 from the 'spicy bite' cabinet and mow everyone down, chanting gleefully, "oh thank heaven!"

when i talk with him he says things that, to my ears, makes no sense whatsoever, but he cackles at them as if he just farted in church and someone else got blamed. as he talks with me, i try and figure it out, but i can't tell if he's got all his teeth--i don't think he does--and he vaguely reminds me of those gold miners sucking on their gums while panning for nuggets in a river bed you see in old movies and/or cartoon representations. "thar's gold in them thar hills!"

i'm sure he's a nice guy when he's in his element, but i have a feeling his 'element' includes dueling banjo's and skinning a human alive, so i think i'd rather just see him in his 7-11's finest and be done with it.

cynicism in 2008 and "it's stuck in my head ..."

cynicism in 2008
so, a couple of weeks ago i get this email--on myspace of all places ... i could rant about myspace right now, but i don't have the strength--from this guy who says he found my profile on match.com and then subsequently on myspace ... he found me really interesting and wanted to talk to me.

well, that should be flattering, yes? however, my first thought, of course, was "stalker?" whatever, stalkers are people too! so i replied and we chatted a few times via email but he became really insistent on talking on the phone. i explained to him that i'd rather chat through email more before we progress to the phone and also that i had been on the phone numerous times that week on conference calls, etc, and the last thing i wanted to do was talk on the phone.

anyways, long story short, i finally give him my number and he called me the other night and the one thing that really sticks in my head from our conversation was his remark, "your match.com profile was really cynical, wasn't it?"

so, that just begs me to ask the question ... am i a cynical person? i'd like to think i'm not, but i think, deep down, i am. granted, i've never been a "that glass is half-empty" kinda guy, but neither have i been a "half-full" spokesperson either ... more like a "glass? we don't neeeeeed no steeeenkin' glasses!" ::spill, smash, break:: that must be my volatile side coming out, right sean?

this also makes me wonder if being the sarcastic person that i am makes me cynical. i've never really associated sarcasm with cynicism, but i can see how the two are very closely linked and, honestly, i've always just found dry humor and sarcasm more my speed. sure, i'm jaded about things ... love (that ones not hard to become jaded with) for one ... and perhaps work--in my present situation i can hardly see why i'd become jaded about that, i mean ... come on!--but i don't look at everything as if it's a bleak horizon. no ... no, in fact, i see silver linings!

sure, i'm losing my job at the end of the month, but just think of all the blogging material i could possibly get at my next place of employment. ooh, i'm all a twitter with excitement!

meh ... i dunno why that remark isn't sitting well with me and it makes me wonder if it's a guilty conscience saying "yes, indeed, mr. geoff ... you are a cynical, sarcastic asshole." ::squishes cricket::

so, i didn't make any resolutions this year for new years, but i think i just found one. try not to be so damned cynical in 2008 ...

... i'll probably give this resolution up like i have every other year.

"it's stuck in my head ..."
you ever get a song stuck in your head and you just can't get rid of it? then you get that one jackass who's like, "oh, you should sing it out loud ... that always helps." shut up and give me some better advice. honestly, i can't remember the last time a song got stuck in my head this long since paula abdul's "opposites attract" when i was a kid and i broke out into an unrehearsed rendition in my bedroom to quench those raging fires.

i take 2 steps forward
i take 2 steps back
we come together
cuz opposites attract
and you know,
it ain't fiction
just a natural fact
we come together
cuz opposites attract

i. am. so. gay.

so, anyway, recently i've had various songs from the "rent" soundtrack stuck in my head and so i've been listening to it on my ipod and i finally got to the song that was stuck in my head and i did something that i normally don't do, because it seems rather inane to me ... when the song ended, i hit the back button ... and then i did it again ... and again ... folks, i've listened to this same song like 7 times in a row now! what is wrong with me?? i seriously never do that. when i'm done with a song, i'm more than happy to move on to the next one. oy. i'm losing my shit!

anyways, just had to tell you all about that!

[puffy hearts!]

another year older ... another year ... wiser?

well, this weekend certainly was fun.

as i stated in a previous post, my birthday plans revolved around 'fogo,' where i could eat my weight in meat, though for the record, i'm pretty sure i only ate about the weight of a 5 year old child. i was surrounded by wonderful friends and family: jamie, steven, terri, paul, jackson, kristen, bob, my father and his partner, paul. of course, my father and paul complained a lot because that's what they do. they both, along with steven's paul, got the salad bar, but that didn't stop them from criticizing the small portions of meat that we were being served off the swords. but what they don't realize is that you keep getting small portions and small portions and small portions until you have this huge block of beef wedged somewhere between your esophagus and your sphincter.

so, after i gorged myself on cows and pigs, i felt like unbuckling my belt, undoing my pants button and just sitting there, hand positioned inside the waist of my jeans ala al bundy from 'married with children.' however, i still wanted one last slice of bottom sirloin which, in my opinion, is the choicest cut at fogo and simply melts in your mouth. so, i wait and i wait and finally some 'authentic' gaucho chef with a fake accent comes by with a haunch of meat and i perk up. "right here, please." after serving jamie a chunk, he comes over to me and cuts me off a nice thick slab. funny, that doesn't look like bottom sirloin. i'm really not sure what gave it away ... perhaps it was the giant blood clot in the center of the meat, all jellied and thoroughly vomitous. "no thank you," i say as i force the piece of meat onto jackson's plate. even he couldn't eat it and that's saying something! apparently, it was lamb and not my bottom sirloin and as most of my friends know, i positively abhor lamb. ugh. a few minutes later i had my bottom sirloin and then i was done. fin. caput. finito. nein. all those good negative words from foreign languages that people use. i will be honest, though. as much as i thoroughly enjoyed the restaurant, i don't think it was quite as good as the one in d.c. the service was rather lackluster and even the meat selections seemed a bit thin. i'd still recommend this restaurant to anyone, though, and disclaim that you really can only go here about once every 6 months to a year. it's THAT MUCH MEAT!

(ok, now that i made mrs.twink sick with that last paragraph ...)

so, after fogo we head over to the central for some drinkage. i see a few people i know but not everyone who is supposed to be there when "buzz buzz buzz" my phone vibrates. well, look'ee here. mrs.twink has decided to puss out and not come to celebrate my birthday with me. how sweet of her. ::grumble grumble::

i tease. i know that mr. and mrs.twink can't hang with the big dogs. it's all good. they're married and old and fall asleep at 8 p.m. watching the news and sitting on the sofa, her crocheting, him jingling the change in his pocket ... it's all well and good. seriously, though. i'm sorry they couldn't make it out as i love them to pieces and would really have liked to see them, but i can seriously understand just being far too tired to do anything and i really will not hold it against them. totally heart you, mr. and mrs.twink!

i had a great time friday night and i met some nice people as well as saw some old friends i haven't seen in a while. i didn't get terribly drunk, but i did have a hangover all day saturday, so i stayed in my PJs and watched tv and passed in and out of consciousness.

ok, so today i did something stupid, hence the question mark after 'wiser' in my post title. i go online at bge.com to pay my bill and i select my bank account where the money is to be drawn out of and i hit the pay button, not realizing that i didn't change the amount i wanted to pay. mind you, i made a previous payment of $71.56 earlier this month and the bill that is still active, still shows the total amount. for some reason payments made do not reflect on the total due until after the due date is up and everything is tallied. oy! so, stupid geoffrey today makes an additional payment of $171.56 (it's high because my first 2 bills are combined) so i've basically paid an addition $71.56 over what i owe. dammit!

i called bge to see if they could cancel that payment and i get some shit about "oh, well, since the payment is scheduled to come out today, we can't stop it. had you scheduled it for a future date, we'd be able to make changes to the amount." meh, 'fuck you! wes gotz ur dollers!' basically. i hate them, but it is my own stupid fault, so ... oh well. at least i'll have a credit for next month, so i guess it all evens out.

in case you're wondering, i did call my bank to see if they could stop the auto-payment but they couldn't guarantee that they could stop it and they'd have to change me $30 to try, even if it doesn't stop. meh. screw that. i'll just let the payment go through and save myself the hassle and $30.

people in history who share my birthday!

ya, ya, i know ... a second post for today ... what can i say. just make sure you read today's actual blog.

1736: James Watts, Scottish 'steam' inventor

1737: Jacques-Henri Bernardin de Saint-Pierre, French author

1807: Robert E. Lee, American Civil War general

1809: Edgar Allen Poe, American author and poet

1839: Paul C麡nne, French painter (meh, i dunno what that little square is in his name.)

1943: Janis Joplin, American rock singer

1946: Dolly Parton, US country singer and film actress

i've known about edgar allen poe for a long time, but robert e lee? cool! and dolly parton?! omg, no wonder i love her!

"miss scarlet! miss scarlet! i don't know nuffin' about birfin' no geoffreys!"

tomorrow marks a momentous day in history, but first let's give a little back story ...

woman meets man ... they fall in love ... they do that thing that men and women do (ick ... breeder sex!) ... before long there's a twinkle in someone's eye ... the woman gets fat and POW! out comes a screaming alien-esque thing ... all squirmy ... covered in ick ... apparently it did something bad because the doctor smacked it ... waaaaah!

and there you have it. the wonderful process of my birth. isn't that sweet?

ok, so tomorrow is my birthday and before you all ask, i'll be 29 ... again. ask me 10 years from now and i'll tell you the same. so, the celebration starts tonight and i'm being taken out for my birthday and i am so excited! we're going to this amazing restaurant called 'Fogo de Chão,' a brazilian steakhouse that, after my first visit, became one of my favorite places to indulge my appetite in some meat!

when you first get to your table you're asked--by one of the many friendly wait staff flitting about--"have you ever been to our establishment before?" or something similar, meaning they have a certain way in which the food is served. you'll get the same question when going to 'the melting pot'. anyway, they go on to explain that at each place setting is a little circular card--red on one side, green on the other--which you utilize to let the wait staff know you're in the mood for more.

red means: stop ... i need a break ... i think i'm dying! ...

green means: bring out the meat! i know, i know ... i had the card red before but i just needed a small break ... no, no, i'm not dying ... it may have just been gas ... I WANT MEAT!!!! just drop the entire haunch in my lap and leave me be! bring out the jester! i crave entertainment!! where are my vassals! god, i love being king!

i love this place! you don't even have to talk! just keep cramming food into your mouth and when you want more, there's no, "please sir ... more?" hell no, you just flip that card and viola! meat magically appears at your side, sliced there at the table and you grab it with tongs and place it on your plate. yay for gluttony!

ok, so, the meat is amazing here and i definitely recommend the top and bottom sirloin. it simply melts in your mouth and you can't quite get enough. there are many other variations of dead animal to partake of and they even have chicken and pork at times.

however, if you're not that into meat--believe me, i know how it is ... i went almost 9 years without red meat, only eating chicken and fish, but Fogo de Chão lured me into its meaty web and then inducted me into their red-delicious cult--there is an amazing salad bar which is bigger than my bedroom and has so much scrumptious food ranging from smoked salmon to fresh cold white asparagus to huge chunks of parmesan cheese to, well ... lettuce. it's worth it to go simply for the salad bar.

the best part of all of this .... yup, all you can eat!

BRING. IT. ON!

ok, so ... enough about meat ... scrumptious ... mouth watering ... meaty meat ...

::shakes head::

ok, so ... wow ... um, after dinner we're heading out to the central station pub, a local gay bar in baltimore, for a little bit o' the drink. hopefully, with all that meat floating around in my gut, i won't get too polluted too quickly. however, if i do ... i don't recommend anyone coming to hold my hair back when i puke ... can't imagine how that will look!

the best part of the evening, however, will be the fact that i will be in the company of some of the very best people that money can buy ... oh, wait, i mean ... that i've been fortunate enough to have been graced with. i definitely like to surround myself with great people and i think that i've certainly accomplished that and i'm very, very thankful for them and i honestly don't know what i would do without them. they absolutely make me a better person.

i love you guys and girls!

"food, poisonous food! ...

cramps and rectal dysfunction!" ~ sung to the tune of "food, glorious food" from oliver!

yesterday at work i began feeling peckish and by the time lunchtime rolled around, i was nearly ravenous. i went out and got some friend chicken fingers, some cajun fries and a couple mozzarella sticks. mind you i don't eat fried foods often, but for some reason i was craving. a couple hours later my stomach started to feel a bit queasy, but nothing major. it happens sometimes if i drink too much coffee ... no big deal. by the end of my work day, however, i wasn't feeling too hot, but i wasn't at the point of purge yet.

once i got home i tried to watch tv for a bit but just couldn't focus so i lay down instead, falling right out. i've been pretty exhausted lately. at around 3 o'clock this morning i woke up with stomach cramps and pretty severe nausea so i camped out in the bathroom. now, i won't enlighten you all with the details, but let me just say that work wasn't even an option today and a little after 6 a.m. i called out sick. right now i'm sitting on my sofa, watching tv (some DVRd shows) and sipping some hot tea. ugh. i feel like poo.

which actually brings me to the point of this post. don't let the title fool you. this isn't about me being sick, but i thought it was a nice segue.

as i stated, i'm watching shows that i have DVRd and every now and then a television show comes along and just absolutely wows me! examples include, but are not limited to: scrubs, the office, lost, heroes, 30 rock and a few others. recently i fell in love with a new television show that, i believe, is in its second season though for me it's season number 1. i am kicking myself in the ass now for not having found this show earlier because it is amazingly funny, witty, endearing at times and just altogether a very entertaining 30 minutes.

'notes from the underbelly' has definitely found a place in my top favorite shows and if you haven't seen it yet then i heartily recommend it. it comes on monday nights 9:30/8:30 central and it. is. amazing!

still getting laid ... off

this is kind of an update post.

it's still looking like i'm being let go at the end of the month though i was told in confidence--and yet i share it with the internet world ... hmm--that my name was brought up in a discussion regarding a new overflow project that is being implemented here. whether or not i will be chosen to be in this group and thus my departure delayed, i have no idea, but i'm not sure that i want to even be associated with this place anymore. it's like dangling a piece of beef in front of a dog and then yanking it away as he goes to snap for it. no thanks.

i'm still working on my resume, but i'm waiting for job descriptions from my boss regarding the many different departmental voids that i've been very flexible enough to fill. i mean, i know what i did and i know how to write it out, however, it wouldn't be in layman's terms which ends up not being too impressive on a resume. i know that resumes are about selling yourself--which i am bad at--but not with terms no one understands.

"yes, i'm a flugalbinder* operative on a misanthropic collusion of various confidential misogynistic variables of increasing duration and quasi-problematic solutions to exothermic resolutions."

meh ... just so you know, i'm not misogynistic in the least and as for that other shit ... can you guess that i made that up? it sounded damn impressive, yes? but if you were a potential employer looking at that on my resume, i have a distinct feeling you'd think i was blowing smoke up your ass, which, if i ever had that on my resume ... you'd be correct. now, i've had a couple people request my resume and i'm looking into opportunities with another health group basically expanding on everything that i've learned and been able to accomplish here but honestly, anywhere i go i will pick up the job very quickly as i'm a fast learner and a self-starter and a go-getter, dammit.

so, anyway ... there's the update. now for the rest of the post:

lately i've come to the realization of a couple of things. the first is that i'm getting old. yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's happening ... to me of all people. i know, i know ... how can i grow old? it's a mystery, yes. my peter pan syndrome is waning and my happy thoughts are being replaced with responsible ones. my normally youthful exuberance is now mutating into a matured, yet lighthearted, demeanor.

also, my birthday is this saturday and i'm turning the big 32 (22 in gay years) so that's kinda hitting home. soon it'll be to the point that i'm closer to 40 than i am 30 and i think i could snap. dunno yet. i have a few years to grow accustomed to the idea ... and you all have a few years to purchase body armor and other protective gear and barricade your homes. i can't control myself when i'm in 'the rage.' rawr! i'll post more about my birthday in a later post as we're going to one of my very favorite restaurants. woot.

the second thing i've come to realize lately is that i'm a vehicle racist. there, i've said it. i don my jeep hood and go around burning other cars. ok, maybe not to that extent, but i do notice that i will have no qualms about cutting off a vehicle or not letting someone in when they clearly have a yield sign. and if they cut me off, i usually curse and rant and rave, the whole 8 yards--the 9th yard would be me running them off the road.

however, if i see a jeep that needs to get over, i will get out and redirect traffic if i have to. oh, i'm going 65 mph but you need to get on the highway? sure, come on over! ::break slam:: a jeep cuts me off, i smile and wave and mouth "you're welcome." you see, jeep drivers have a thing ... it's a 'jeep thing' if you've ever seen the bumper stickers and it's so true. if i see a jeep on the side of the road with their flashers on, i will stop and help, even if they look like drug addled crazed lunatics carrying axes and shotguns, leaning against the driver's side door, a hockey mask pulled down over their face.

"hi. jeep trouble?"

meh ... so, i've admitted it and i don't care who knows it anymore. judge me if you must, i'm gay so i'll judge right back! bring it! it's already been broughten!

sorry for this rather weird post. i'm zooming on like 4 cups of coffee already and it's only 9:45 am. aside from my heart pounding out of my chest, i'm in the bathroom far more than i'm not. i think i'll bring my computer in there.

[puffy heart]

*if you can tell me what a flugalbinder is, you win a gold star!

it's national de-lurking week!

come out, come out, where-ever you are!!

now, i don't want to think i have a bigger fanbase than i actually do, but i do know for a fact that several people read my blog and refuse to ever comment, so ... comment, bitches!

a mental fracture ... fractured.

this is kind of going to be a long post as it's been a while since i've blogged. this past week and a half has been crazy busy at work so i've rarely had time to browse the internet much less post on my blog. a few things have happened since my last post, some good ... some bad. i'll start with the good.

good
the past friday i was coerced into going out. i say 'coerced,' but it doesn't take much, honestly. it's been roughly 2 months since i've gone out to the bars, give or take a week, and when steven called me telling me i had to come out, i was hesitant at first, but then i warmed up to the idea. so, jamie picked me up a little after 9 p.m. and we drove into the city toward 'grand central,' for their $1.75 drink special. now i've mentioned this drink special before but in case anyone's forgotten, i'll give a little recap. every friday night all drinks are $1.75 ... i'm not talking about bottom shelf shit, people, i'm talking about grey goose and patron and captain morgan ... the good shit. $1.75 ... seriously, how can you go wrong.

now, being that it's been so long since my last outing, it didn't take long to feel the drinks ... in fact, after my first captain and coke i was already feeling the first tingles of a buzz on the outskirts of my mind and by the time i finished the second one, i was in--if not full--medium swing. i had a jagerbomb shot and then steven forced a shot of patron on me and, i think, pushed me over the edge. i felt a bit queasy and was making periodic trips outside for fresh, cool air ... taking a stroll down the street in case i had to purge ... which, thankfully, i did on the 3rd or 4th outing. after that, i felt 100% better. shortly after my bulimic fit, we went down to never-on-sunday for some late night chow. i had a gyro. yum.

jamie drove me home and i climbed my stairs which felt a lot more than 3 stories and i collapsed into bed. the next morning i felt like death warmed over and i did nothing all day, falling in and out of sleep.

bad
well, ok, so basically only 1 good thing happened to me in the past week and it was that i got drunk ... i'm a borderline alcoholic, apparently, when the only thing good that has happened to me was that i fell under the influence and then subsequently purged. oy.

nothing major happened on monday or tuesday, but wednesday started out as a bad day from the moment i woke up.

wednesday
my alarm clock, usually infallible, decided to not wake me up. i woke up on my own--glancing at my clock--and shooting out of bed with a start. 7:15 a.m. i'm usually up at 6:30 every morning, leaving my place at 7:30, but today ... wasn't happening. i hopped in the shower, giving myself a quick nursing-home rubdown and then ejected myself from the porcelain deathtrap (i slipped getting in.) i managed to make it out my door by 7:40, barely enough time to stop and grab a coffee and head to work.

7-11 visited .. on the road again. i'm driving and notice the traffic is unusually thick this morning so i know for sure i will be late. on dundalk avenue a bus is in the right hand lane picking up passengers and the car in front of me is in the middle lane and wants to turn right. well, instead of waiting for the bus to leave, he tries to cut the bus off as the bus starts forward and both slam on their breaks. well ... the domino effect is in the hizzie. i slam on my breaks to avoid the car in front of me and out of the corner of my eye, i see my coffee cup fly forward in slow-motion, ready to paint the inside of my jeep a nice latte color. i did a momma save, my right arm lashing out and catching my cup, as everything and anything not tied down comes into the front seat ... however, my coffee is saved ... then i hear the screech of tires on asphalt and i look into my rear view mirror and see death riding a pale horse in the shape of a silver toyota camry bearing down on me, scythe raised to lop off my head. i'm dead. thankfully, the camry stops before plowing into my rear-end (ok, jamie ... insert innuendo here) and death has been averted. we're both swearing at the jerk-off in front of me who decides it is prudent to let the bus go and then he turns. man.

so, i get on 95 and am traveling to work. i'm a bit thirsty so i pick up my coffee, glancing at everything still strewn about on my passenger side floor, and go to take a sip. well, wouldn't you just know that when i performed that miraculous save of my coffee, i had nudged the lid enough that, when taking a sip, it popped off and coffee poured down my face ... down my neck ... into my undershirt ... onto my lap ... basically, everywhere. i curse and grab a napkin that i have in the jeep and mop myself off. i've re-attached the lid and go to put it back in the cup holder and the lid pops off again and i nearly drop my coffee in a startled frenzy. this day sucks, so far.

i get to work and my stomach is suddenly full of butterflies and i feel a lurch ... i've just realized something and it doesn't sit well with me. i think i forgot to lock my apartment on the way out the door in my rush. oh shit. i get inside and call my landlord who, graciously, says she will go over and check for me and if it's not locked, she will lock it for me. (i found out later it was locked, i just forgot i locked it.) but that is one of the worst feelings thinking that you may have all your property gone when you get home. oy!

thursday
thursday rolls around and i find out that fate oftentimes pulls out his fat dick and mollywhops you in the face with it multiples times until you nearly succumb to a comatose state. i get a call.

me: hello?
chris: hey, geoff?
me: this is he.
chris: hey, this is christina.
me: oh, hey chris.
chris: hi. i don't know if you've heard, but i got an email from [the company i'm at now] and your contract is ending on the 31st so that will be your last day.
me: ::silence::
chris: i'm already starting to look for something new for you, but i need you to update your resume.
me: oh, ok.

so, ladies and gentlemen, the company that i've invested a healthy dose of reliability, time, effort, versatility ... has decided that they don't need me anymore. what a kick in the nuts.

in the 7+ months i've been here i've done so much shit for these people ... always willing to help out on projects ... learning new aspects of the job ... and they basically are just like, "yeah, thanks for the help. bye." a lot of people who work here are pissed and i've had multiple people come up to me and say they are going to see what they can do, but in all honesty ... why bother? it's a budget issue ... has nothing to do with my performance. i've just got to move on, but it just sucks because i've grown very accustomed to working here and with the people i do and i was starting to develop that familial bond here, if that makes sense.

oh well. i have a different company that i am looking at now that does basically the same thing as they do here, except they are hiring on full time and i won';t have to deal with that contracted bullshit, so ... wish me luck with them.

so, basically, my week has been hell ... granted, really only 2 bad days out of 5, but that's enough to encompass the entire week. i just want to go home now and crawl into bed and brood until monday.

goodbye 2007, helloooooooo 2008!

first, i just want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! sorry that i'm a bit late in this, but the thought was there even if the words weren't.

second, i've noticed that several other bloggers are doing a 'highlights' and a 'lowlights' of 2007 and, though it seems to be a current trend, i'm not going to be as thorough as they are. sorry.

probably the best thing that happened to me in 2007 was that i got my own apartment. granted, it's in dundalk, but we all can't have everything! so, living alone again after about 10 years is a very freeing and enjoyable experience, yet, it's also somewhat nerve wracking and terrifying. but, i'm getting through it and, all in all, i am enjoying it immensely.

new years eve
this new years eve, mrs.twink and the mr. threw a birthday/new years party which they have done for a couple years now. the last one i attended was a blast and i certainly wasn't disappointed this year either.

the party started around 7 p.m. and yet, i wasn't in attendance. you see, i was waiting for a friend--who was travelling to the u.s. from england for new years--to call. the plan was for him to get in, shower and change and come to my place where we would then travel to the party together. he called me from chicago to inform me that he missed his flight due to--and some of you who have ever flown into chicago o'hare airport will surely relate to this--his connecting flight being on the complete opposite side of the airport from where he landed. when he got there the doors were already closed and they would not open them. snag #1. he was booked on a connecting flight later which meant his arrival in baltimore would be later, which was fine. i decided to go to the party and when he called i would give him directions to mr. & mrs.twink's. i waited for his call. 10 p.m. nothing ... 10:30 p.m. nothing ... 11 p.m. nothing ... midnight comes and goes ... nothing. i must admit that now i am a bit worried. did he get stuck in chicago? is he stranded in baltimore with no phone? what's going on? but, i'm getting ahead of myself. let me get back to the party.

so, mr and mrs.twink's place is full of a great group of people and i had originally met them the previous year and had lods of fun with them. a keg of amstel light hung out on the back porch, nice and cold in the chill winter air, a healthy fire burning away in a portable fire pit on the patio and chairs set all around for enjoyable conversation and warmth. everyone was drinking and having a great time. one thing i've noticed when a group of us get together are the number of strange topics we find to discuss:

smoking poo (thanks to zack for this one) ~ apparently if you smoke dried poo, you will get high. i don't even want to fathom who discovered this fact.

huffing poo (thanks to ben for correcting our previous oversight of 'smoking poo') ~ apparently, you don't smoke dried poo, you, instead, pee and poo in a bag and then huff it for a high. again, i don't even want to fathom who discovered this fact.

blogging ~ anytime you get more than one blogger in a room together, the conversation inevitably turns to blogging and we begin to shun the non-bloggers. it's a tragic turn, unfortunately, but i'm a blogger so i'm not left out so i don't care!

horny goat weed (again, thank you zack for bringing this to our attention) ~ apparently there's this stuff out there called 'horny goat weed' that you take and it's supposed to get you horny. well, i don't know about anyone else, but a good stiff breeze could turn me on. the package--adorned with a photo of a big-breasted half naked woman ... and a goat--contains two capsules full of horny goat weed, which we all decided was probably sawdust and oregano and no one was willing to try it, however, zack was very insistent that these be used as suppositories. oh zack ... you poor dear. please, feel free to shove them in your bum.

racism ~ meh ... touchy subject, but for some reason it's always brought up at gatherings.

homosexuals ~ again, touchy subject for some, but brought up when a group of homos are hanging out with the straights, usually followed up with, "oh, i have no problem with gay guys. i know a lot and they're lots of fun. just don't hit on me."

vagina ~ inevitable.

roast beef sandwiches ~ those who were there will get this.

the list goes on, but i've forgotten them. drinking has that effect on me, tho i was pretty reserved that night as i had to drive later on. i had a great time, though, and there were lots of laughs to go around and great conversations (the aforementioned topics included) and when midnight rolled around, much hugging and kissing were being thrown about. i met some really great people: the brick, CAG incognito (she is uber hot!!), kt (also very hot), some hot british guy named alex (no, not the one i was expecting) ~ soon to be brother-in-law to kt, and many others who's names escape me at the moment. regardless. whee. i left around 1:45/2.

now, back to my friend from england. so, i'm on my way home and i get a call from jamie.

jamie: hey girl!
me: hey girl!
jamie: so, i just got off the phone with bob and guess who's at the central.
me: oh, gee. lemme guess.
jamie: a certain british friend of yours.
me: fucker.

apparently, his flight was even more delayed and he didn't arrive in baltimore until about 11:30 p.m. and decided to go to the bar instead with his friend dan, which is fine. what irritated me was the fact that he couldn't even take a few seconds to call or send a text message informing me that he was, in fact, in baltimore and that he wasn't going to make the party. i would have totally been fine with that, but instead, i was left wondering where the hell he was and if he was ok. meh. whatever. i'm over it now, but it flowed with the blog and had to post it. lol.

anyways ... i just wanted to say thank you to mr. and mrs.twink for throwing a great party! i had so much fun! can't wait to do it again next year! i also wanted to give a big shout out to my peeps and let them know i love them. i have amazing friends and i love them so much and, unfortunately, i don't get to see them as much as i want to. this is mainly my fault as i'm trying to watch my spending, but in 2008 i will try and make more of an effort to be available and make it out to see everyone! even though we don't see each other all the time, they are always in my heart and in my mind. love you guys and girls.

this post is a bit scatterbrained as i'm at work and trying to blog without being detected and i can't really think, to be honest.

"snap ... crackle ... choking hazard."

ok, this gets it's own post. i'll get on to the new years post in a few.

pre party
this past friday i took a little trip to mr. & mrs.twink's for some wii action before we embarked on our trek to a redneck dive called the gunslinger, or the gunrack, or the severed deer head wall hanging inn ... or something--i forget the name of it--for our friend jackson's birthday gathering.

i arrived a little after 7 p.m. in the mood for the mr.'s wee (or wii, whatever). we planned on leaving the house at 8 so that gave us an hour to play. fun. i can't wait. i've never played the wii before and i was eager to see how it handles. so, the three of sit on the sofa while they both walk me through the creation of my very own mii. (i'm much hotter irl, by the way) after that's done we start a game of bowling. it's really very cool how it works. you swing the remote as if you were holding a bowling ball and at the right time you release a button and your ball is sent travelling down the lane. this is a very ingenious machine and i had so much fun playing. after bowling, the mr. and i were going to box ... well, during the setup of this game, mrs.twink disappears and is rummaging about in the kitchen.

mrs.twink: i'm making rice crispy treats!

i. love. rice. crispy. treats! i'm all excited now. a wii, some sweet, marshmallowy goodness, the company of good friends. what more could i ask for? ... how about 911 on speed dial?

i take a bite of the delicious looking treat and i begin chewing.

mmm, it's so good. but, what's this? hmm. this marshmallow is a bit tough to chew. musta been on the bottom of the pan. lemme chew harder. wow, this is some tough marshmallow. ::chew chew chew::

i get nowhere. finally i decide that i better investigate this kevlar marshmallow and i pull it out of my mouth. yup. it's white, but it doesn't look like marshmallow. i try squeezing it with my fingers and it has absolutely no give.

me: um, mrs.twink ... i, uh ... i think there's something wrong with your marshmallow.
mrs.twink: oh no! what is it? this is the first batch i haven't burned!
me: i dunno. it's hard tho. ::peers at it closely:: i don't think it's marshmallow.
mr.: ::looks over and says nonchalantly:: oh, that's spatula.
mrs.twink: OH. MY. GOD.
me: ::looks at mrs.twink with a mix of fear and surprise in eyes:: you tried to kill me?

i finished the rest of the treat, chewing carefully and, had i discovered anything that wasn't as soft as marshmallow infused rice crispies or marshmallow itself, i would have removed it from my oral cavity and not attempted to mulch it down. however, the rest of the treat was quite good.

mrs.twink: would you like another--
me: no. ::i say before she finishing asking:: no ... no, i'm fine. thank you though. it was delicious.

she could probably make a killing (no pun intended) on rice cripsy treats with built in toothpicks.

the party
so, we arrive at the dive ... heyyyyyy ... and we stroll inside. there's like 9 or 10 people there, 3 of which we know, 2 running the karaoke kiosk, the bartender and like 4 patrons playing pool--one of whom had a very impressive mullet. we later discover that he and his partner are known as "biscuit and gravy" ... rather reminiscent of talledega nights ... "SHAKE AND BAKE!"

i'm nervous. it's been a while since i've been in a straight bar, much less a redneck straight bar. mrs.twink is my beard for the night ... we plan on having sexual relations ... or at least that's what i proclaim in a carrying voice so the redneck breeders think i'm hitting that.

me: i'm really glad i didn't wear my scarf in. they would have pegged me for a fag immediately.

long story short, we actually had a great time. i had a nice buzz going on. jackson seemed sincerely surprised and karaoke was a hoot! mrs.twink and theresa's rendition of sir mix-a-lot's 'i like big butts' was phenom! <3