deliveries go in the rear, thank you.

so, i know it's been a while since i've blogged but i really do have a valid reason ... seeing as i generally only blog from work, i've not been able to lately due to the fact that i have been in a different department and have not had access to my desk or computer for much of last week. i've taken over the position held by 'the good mother' ... at work, not at home. i've seen her boyfriend ... he scares me ... in the dueling banjo's sort of 'scares me.'

so ... a little bit of a recap of the past week:

'the good mother' was out on bed rest then was admitted to the hospital with toxemia. so, on tuesday morning, when she called out because she was getting blood work done, i was shoved into her position (no, not flat on my back) and basically had to do her job with the very limited training that i had received thus far. i managed to hold it together enough to do the job and the following day she was again absent and i had a much easier day of it, again being shunted into her position. i worked in the department for the rest of the week and was told that i did an amazing job seeing as i had only about an hour of training and i quote, "you did better than [the good mother] after 4 days than she does after 5 years." yay me!

call brown
ok, the ups guy who comes to our building is so deadly fine. he's got this brilliant smile and dark hair with light eyes and the only fault i've found in him are his thin legs or chicken legs. other than that, the guy is gorgeous. ok, so, with this new position i had to sign for a package on thursday. i start to sign and made some comment about it not looking like my signature:

me: that doesn't even look like my name.
ups guy: what's your name?
me: geoff.
ups guy: ::looks at signature and then says in a sultry voice with a smirk:: you just need some practice.

i laughed and he climbed into his truck and drove away. i do believe that he flirted with me, tho it wasn't what he said, it was how he said it ... all husky and sultry ... hmm. he could have said "doo-doo rag" like that and i would have been all over him. anyway, so the next day i was outside and i see the ups guys pull up so i walk over to sign for the package again. this time he's got quite a bundle and as he steps down from his truck he says:

ups guy: ::again in a sultry tone:: hey, i've got a big load for you today.

now that was a blatant flirt ... i don't think there's any mistaking it.

the british are coming ... the british are coming!
so, i finally went out this weekend for the first time in months ... like 3 or 4 months, not 100% sure. it's been a long time. anyway ... i had a blast. of course, i got completely shit faced and luckily i didn't make out with anyone or make a fool of myself aside form barrelling my way through a crowd of people to get to the bathroom before i puked everywhere. it was fun.

andy, my friend from england, just got in friday night and it was positively wonderful to see him again. i absolutely adore him and it's always great to hang out with him. he's an amazing guy and for some reason, the moment we met, we just clicked. i'm so glad he's here. he's supposed to be moving to the states soon, though there's no definitely time frame set yet and he thinks he may end up being in NY, which isn't as close as i'd like, but a helluva lot closer than england, so ... all will be good. :)

i also got to see erin and hot 'straight' james on friday night. boy is he ever delicious. mmm. i haven't seen them in a very long time ... i think since the night that terri, david and i picked them up alongside the road when the cab they were in sped off when james had him stop so he could be sick outside. all i remember from that night is comforting this guy as he puked in a gas station garbage can amidst a large crowd of thugs in a fairly not so great part of baltimore ... i feared for my life that night ... i really did. especially when one of the guys goes ... "are you fags?" i snapped at him and swished my hips and settled a cold stare on his face ... "no," i said.

so ... saturday i didn't do shit but huddle on jamie's sofa all day and watch tv with him. that's it. i didn't leave his house until around 7:30 that night because i was hungover and movement hurt. i'm better now.

ok, i think that's it for now. i can't think of anything else to blog about. if i think of anything i'll be back. until then.

news flash!!

this just in ... the good mother has upgraded!!

marlboro lights are no more ... she's moved on to cowboy killers! that's right, ladies and gentlemen ... she and her fetus are now enjoying the full flavor of marlboro reds.

when she moves on to crack, i will be sure to let you know.

ramblings ...

this is going to be a short post as:

a) i have nothing really to blog about.
b) i'm tired.

i will start off by saying that apparently i ruffled some feathers (to steal your term, mrs.twink) about my comments regarding dundalk, however, this is my blog and i can say what i damn well want to, prejudices or not and all i've ever heard about dundalk are the 'white trash' references or i see the eye rolls when i mention the town. there's lots of places in maryland that are white trash, i just chose to post about dundalk because i am moving there. perhaps i'll make a weekly segment of white trash areas in and around baltimore. next week: pasadena! (jk jamie)

so, a reader left some comments and i've yet to check out the poster's website with pictures of the "beauty of dundalk," so as of yet i have no idea what he is referring to as the only "beauty of dundalk" i've seen so far was the woman with the wild hair carrying a garbage bag across the street, her knitted booties slipping off her feet as she meandered in front of me. she was beautiful. especially her hair that had yellowed from years of cigarette smoke.

i make no apologies for what i say here except that i'm sorry people seem to not take my opinion as just that ... my opinion.

moving on ...

6 of the 7 contractors here at work are being let go ... i, thankfully, am not one of them. i did call my contracting agency to see if they had heard anything to this effect and i was informed that the only time my company has contacted them for any reason was to start the process to being me on permanently. yay. so, yet again i get some more evidence of my company acquiring my exceptional talents permanently, however, this does little good until it actually happens.

i found out a couple of the permanent employees who received the email about temp employees being let go and that mandatory overtime was going to be enacted, emailed my boss with: "please tell me geoff isn't included in the ones getting let go." aww, that makes my heart get all fuzzy and warm ... or that's arrhythmia, not sure. but, yay, i'm liked. unless i talk about dundalk.

ending ...

ok, so, i'm done blogging today. i'm exhausted. i started my new schedule at work yesterday and didn't actually get out of here until almost 9 p.m. last night. it was a long, long day filled with lots and lots of work. ugh.

Particle Man ... Particle Man ... Doing the things that a particle can ...

wednesday night i went to ramshead live in baltimore to see They Might Be Giants with jamie, terri and theresa. we decided that we wanted to eat before the concert which was a fabulous idea as we were all hungry. so, i met up with jamie at his place around 4:30 and we hop in the car, queueing up some pre-concert TMBG to get us more in the mood, though i was already in the mood ... i love TMBG!

anyway, so we stop off at theresa's place which looks like one of those kitchy ikea-esque stores with the random items scattered about the place (decorative luggage with travel stickers, plates on the walls, lots of wood and leather, you get the point.) i mean, the house was very cute, but i was definitely expecting someone to come up to me and ask me if i needed help finding something.

me: oh, no thanks. i'm just browsing.

so, we pile into the car and, still listening to TMBG, drive to ramshead live and we park in the parking garage on, wait for it .... gay street! you wanna know how i knew it was gay street? even the buildings looked bitchy.

we meet miss. terri out front of ramshead live and we go in, produce out tickets, get stamped and are led upstairs where, will wonders never cease, we run into jamie's sister and her new husband. we get this cute waitress named kimberly and boy was she saucy. of course, jamie had to ask her how her fish taco tasted. she found quite a bit of humor with that until she unloaded her piche on the table for all to see. ok, so that last part didn't happen, but i wouldn't put it past some of these baltimorons.

ok, so we order our food--starting off with slices of deep fried heaven (potato skin things)--and then we get our entrees which we received before jamie's sister and her beau (they ordered a while before us) and even before TMBG was served! woot! we're VIPs, baby! my steak was a bit tough and i found a nice chunk of gristle in the middle while the bed of garlic mashers left much to be desired. however, the beers were good so i think i filled up on those. i went outside to have a cigarette right after i ate and when i came back in i found the door locked. OH NO! i didn't know what to do, so i asked a passing waitress how to get back upstairs and i informed her that it was locked. she went and got a hot security guy to lead me upstairs and as i was walking through the auditorium, i got to see john and john walking through to their area. it was cool!

fast forward a bit ...
we stood up on the balcony watching the crowd below us and, being the catty bitches we are, made fun of the people on the first floor because, well ... that's how we roll. off to the side, down by the sound booth, a guy wearing an 'army' shirt was all but putting his thing inside his girlfriend and the two of them together looked like they met at an "ugly-singles speed dating." i don't mean to make fun of people's looks and had they not been groping each other the way they were, i probably wouldn't have been disgusted by them and their lack of couth. ANYway ...

the concert is opened by oppenheimer and they were really good and then TMBG came on. they stated in the beginning they would be playing songs from their new album and 'the spine' and we took that to mean they would only be playing newer stuff. i must admit i was a bit disappointed as i really wanted to hear some of their older songs. they certainly didn't disappoint. their second song of the night was "birdhouse in your soul," which i love!

um, what else. oh yeah, i got hit on by the female bartender, which is fun. she was cute but missing one key ingredient for THIS gay pie.

long story short (too late, i know!) ... i had an amazing time at the concert! i got to see TMBG again and i love them and we are probably going to see them in D.C. when they come back in november! i'm so glad i got to spend time with jamie, terri and theresa and tracy and her beau! thank you guys for making it a great concert!

<3 you!

dundalk, dundalk, let's all move to fundalk!

dundalk is the place to be ... white trash living is the life for me ... (to the tune of green acres)
well, this week i received some good news in the form of a rental application approval. that's right, folks! you're looking at the next dundalkian! wooooooooooooo hoooooooooooo! i already have the cement blocks ready to hoist my jeep up onto when i'm not using it and i've taken a baseball bat to an old television, which i will unceremoniously dump on the lawn out front along with a few empty cans of busch beer.

the apartment is vacated at the end of this month then they go in, clean, repair, replace, yadda, yadda, yadda and by the beginning of october, it should be ready for me to move in! yay! i'll be hot cop eric's neighbor!

the good mother strikes again ...
check out this new shirt! i couldn't help but laugh when i saw this and, once again, ran inside to get my camera phone. gee, you're pregnant? i couldn't tell, what with a cigarette in your hand!

her poor, unborn, nicotine-addicted baby. better get that kid the patch now ... she's going to be too young for the gum!

trick or tr--naw, just trick ...

this weekend miss terri and i decided to do dinner and a movie ... to some it might have looked like a cute little couple out on the town but in reality it was just a fag and his hag--fruit fly ... that's what you are, terri, but it doesn't rhyme with 'fag'.

so, we decided that we'd start off with the movie since it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon and neither of us was that hungry. now, to decide what movie to watch. we looked at 'balls of fury' and 'superbad' but finally, for some reason, decided to go see 'halloween," per the recommendation of a good friend of mine.

can i just tell you ... that night i had nightmares about that movie. no, no, no ... michael myers wasn't chasing me ... no, my nightmare involved me sitting through that fucking movie again. i'm not sure what i went into the theater expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't the piece of steaming crap i got. i loved the original with jamie lee-hermaphrodite-curtis and i thought perhaps this movie might be a nice little departure from the original ... same basic storyline, but with updated environment and fresh new faces. i was wrong. sure, the story focused more on the rise of michael myers, where he came from, that sort of thing. i did like that part of the movie and, honestly, the only good acting in the entire film was michael myers' hookerish-stripper mom and doctor loomis, played by malcolm mcdowel, but even he wasn't overly great. i think i liked him better in 'tank gil.' (note: if you haven't seen 'tank girl' i highly recommend it. i love lori petty and she's hilarious in that flick. lori petty, in case you don't know, is the younger sister in 'a league of their own,' which is another favorite movie of mine.)

so, we sat through the 2+ hours of this crap and at the end when the credits began to roll, terri and i both go, "no wonder," when we see rob zombie's name as the director. now, don't get me wrong. i loved 'house of 1000 corpses' and 'the devil's rejects,' but he really needs to stick with those types of fucked up movies instead of taking classics and trying to remake them. thumbs down to you, mr. zombie, for your feeble attempt.

before the credits even got into full swing, the theater began clearing out. the houselights hadn't even come on yet and people were making a mad dash for the exit to try and distance themselves from the disaster they'd just watched. i want my money back and 2+ hours of my life.

after the movie, terri and i went to duclaw and got ourselves a beer as we waited to order. we started off with a seared tuna appetizer, which was actually quite tasty. i had an arizona charbroiled burger, cooked to med. well and terri had a chicekn sandwich. it was all pretty good and our waiter was cute. we sat and shot the shit for a while before getting up and strolling over to dave & buster's, which i had never been to. it wasn't very exciting inside and i was bored so we left. we walked the mall for a few before stopping at starbuck's and then heading out.

we said our goodbyes and parted ways. i went home and promptly fell asleep.

the moral of this story: go see halloween. it was amazing! don't believe me? ... check the newspaper. it was the number one movie this weekend! just goes to show that americans are retarded.