another colorful character ...

another post for you all about one of my co-workers, old skool. this woman is by far one of the funniest women i work with and she has some pretty funny stories and her nickname denotes the fact that she is a hardcore, OG (original gangster). yesterday her rant was about a man, recently, who forgot he left his young child in the car seat when he went to work and on his lunch came out to find his child had died. the temperature in the car had reached a high of 130 degrees, basically frying the child's brain. it's very tragic and i can't believe someone is stupid enough to forget their child in a car on an uber-hot summer day.

old skool: you hear about dat guy who left his baby in the car when he went to work?
me: oh, shit.
old skool: yeah, no doubt! i hate it when people leave their pets in the car, but a baby?! he forgot to drop the kid off at day-care.
me: fucking idiot.
old skool: no shit. i'da broken out dat damn window, then call the po-po. go ahead and arrest me, mr police officer ... arrest me for breaking the window! i'd say, "i didn't know how long dat baby was in dat car, officer! i was saving its life!" yeah, so he come out to the car at lunch and was like, "oh shit." the baby was dead.
me: ::disgusted noise::
old skool: he needs to be left in a car in 199 degree weather. how do people do that? how do you forget you have a baby in the car?

granted, that conversation isn't particularly funny, what with the topic being so tragic, but if you could have seen her actions when she was relating it to us ... priceless. she's very animated and all but goes crazy. another conversation we had a couple of months ago was a bit funnier.

old skool: so, get this. my cousin, shantrell, almost killed her husband.
me: ::laughs with a raised eyebrow:: oh really?
old skool: yeah, she stabbed him with her stiletto! the bitch wrapped her shoe straps around her hand ... she wasn't going to lose that shit ... and started beating him in the head and his chest and dat mother fucking heel stabbed him in his chest like 5 times. ::she shows us how it happened:: wham! wham! wham! wham! wham! i was like, "why he bleeding? i didn't see no knife!" blood all pouring down his chest and there's shantrell, crazy looking, her weave hanging off, holding a stiletto shoe in her hand, blood dripping from the heel! crazy woman!
me: ::laughing hysterically::
old skool: i'm serious, geoff! wham! wham! wham! wham! wham! blood everywhere! don't piss of a woman with stilettos! you know there's a metal rod in the heal? no wonder it stabbed. that plastic breaks off you got a shank!
me: why did she do this?
old skool: that [insert n word here] was cheating on her. i'da done the same thing to him, except he'd be dead. ain't no going half way when it's up to me!

keep in mind, again, the entire time she's relating all of this information to us, she's laughing her ass off and going through the motions from tying the shoe straps around her wrist to slamming the shoe into his chest to his actions as he clutches at the wounds and staggers away. fucking hilarious. that was one of those days that i laughed so hard i almost cried.

you know, i think daisy dyke snagged video of one of her conversations with her phone. if i can get it from her, i will try and find a way to get a 15 second clip posted on the page.