catching up ...

it's been a while since i have posted and i apologize to all of my loyal fans ... both of you rock! i've been real busy with work and my real life issues. so, i'm sorry.

this blog is going to be broken up in a few segments and will, most likely, be a long one so i apologize for the length.

what's that in my rear view ... mirror?
ok, earlier in the week, i think it was monday, i was coming home from work and had just gotten off 195 onto 170 and i checked my rear view mirror to see, obviously, what was behind me. now, i've been told i have amazing eyes but today my stare must have been especially intense and i think i scared my rear view mirror because as i was looking into it, it fell off my windshield. yup, looks like the glue finally gave out. the "permanent" glue that has only been on there for like 2 years finally gave in. i only hope i don't look at people as intensely as i must have been looking into my mirror ... i'd hate for one of my friends to just shatter into a thousand pieces. that would make me sad.

my mullet is my co-pilot ...
i decided that i should probably go out and get a rear view mirror repair kit, so that's what i did. on the way home as i was driving down the main road leading to my street, the two lanes merge to one and there was a car in the right lane that was going to have to merge left. i was feeling generous today so i let them in and i got a wave, which seems to be uncommon. usually when i let people in, they think they've snuck in or "beat me" and managed to get in front of me whereas in reality, i'm braking to let them in front of me because that's what gentlemen do and i, my good sirs and madams, am a gentleman.

anyway, so i let this person in and i notice that they have the most beautiful mullet i have ever seen on a person. it glistens in the dappled sunlight through the trees and flows ever so perfectly on the buffets of wind coming in through their window. it seems to be lightly curled in the back and then relaxed to give it that "it's a natural curl," look. i. am. in. awe.

it doesn't stop there, folks. i notice that this person is awfully beefy looking, from what i can tell being positioned behind them, but they are moving around a lot in their car and i can't help but notice that they seem to be full of muscle. ladies and gentlemen ... i think i found myself behind tony little. (omg, please check out that link ... make sure your volume isn't too loud. i about died laughing!)

look at me when i talk to you .... i said look at me .... hello? over here ... look at me, please ...
ok, so the other day at work, a woman i work with who also happens to be a lesbian (not daisy dyke) tells me she wants to go outside with me the next time i go out. ok, whatever. so, when i take my break i go and grab her.

senora dyke: oh, man, geoff ... i had a great time this weekend. hung out with some friends and met this new guy. he was really sweet.
me: ::knows where this is going:: oh ya? very cool.
senora dyke: yeah, he's really sweet and funny and i thought, "you know ... i bet geoff would like him."
me: ::wins the bet i had with myself on whether it would lead to this:: oh? is he cute? (always the first question gays ask, right?)
senora dyke: he is. he's got some latin in him and he's very nice.
me: ::notices she's stressing the 'very nice' portion:: ya? what's he look like?
senora dyke: black hair and, well, he's cute. ::she laughs::
me: ::i'm so done with this conversation:: oh, well, cool.
senora dyke: oh, and he's blind. he's got a seeing eye dog and everything.
me: ::almost chokes:: he's blind? gee, what are you trying to tell me, [name]?
senora dyke: oh, stop. you know i think you're adorable.
me: so adorable you try and hook me up with a blind guy? am i quasimodo? does my hump show? ::stops with the jokes at the look on her face::
senora dyke: he's a really nice guy.

ok ... i'm a bit of an asshole when it comes to disabilities with potential dates. i stopped seeing one guy because i thought he was partially retarded. no lie. i'm horrible, i know, but i'm sorry. it's who i am. i'll be your friend, but i won't date you.

i did date a young kid when i was living in d.c.--before i moved to massachusetts--who was deaf. he was either going to or finished with gallaudet. he was a great kid and we 'broke up,' if you will, because of issues, not which one of them was being deaf, btw.

now, being blind is a bit different and i could totally go out on a date with a blind person--secretly i'd be petting his dog!--as long as he didn't have those weird eyes. i've seen some blind guys with beautiful crystal blue eyes and they look normal, they're just broken. but then there are some blind guys with facial deformity or the 'cloudy' eyes ... i'm sorry, but i won't be able to get past that. i'm a shallow, heartless person. so, if this guy has normal features and normal looking eyes, sure ... i'll go on a date with him.

i'l will keep you updated if anything happens with this. might be kinda fun dating someone who can't see. i can pick my nose ... scratch my balls ... fart, then run away and blame it on his dog. oh, the fun times to be had.

moving on up ... to the dundalk side .... to a deluxe 3rd floor apartment in the skyyyyyy ....
so i talked with the leasing agent for this apartment in dundalk that i've been eyeing up and apparently i wrote down the wrong amount of money on the income section of the application and she was going to deny me because i didn't gross enough income for their standards. i was pretty bummed.

so hung up the phone with her and looked at my pay stub and was like, "wait, wtf," and i called her right back.

me: hi, connie, it's me again. you said gross, right?
connie: yeah.
me: ::puts on idiot face:: i wrote down my net-monthly instead of gross-monthly, i think.
connie: oh?
me: yeah, i'm sorry. i gross [amount] per week.
connie: oh, god, you're fine then. your credit's great, you make enough money. no problems.

so, yay. the apartment opens up in october so hopefully i'll be moving in! yay!