my laptop is a lush ...

so ... this past week i've found myself in need of a new computer. it's been something that i've needed for a long time as the laptop i have/had was severely outdated and purchased from a friend who knows a guy who refurbs. sounds fishy, right? well, it wasn't. the computer worked fine, but it really couldn't do what i wanted it to do ... well, ok, i'm lying ... it played porn just fine, but i wanted something a bit more.

well, this past weekend i was relaxing in front of the television, drinking a beer and browsing the internet. god damn i'm such a multi-tasker!! so, i had my beer set down on the coffee table next to my laptop and when i reached over--obviously forgetting the beer was there--i knocked the bottle over and spilled a good portion of it right into my laptop keyboard. uh oh. i immediately freaked out.

what if it catches on fire?? what if it burns the apartment down?? where's my escape ladder for my balcony?? what do i save?? (please see post: "i'm on fire!! help me baby jesus! help me oprah! help me tom cruise!")

i immediately sopped up the beer with whatever was handy at the time--my shirt for those who are curious--and shutdown, unplugged and turned the laptop on its side to drain. there it sat--like some horrible recreation of a house of cards, but made with electronics--for hours until i figured it might be safe to turn it on. i did so and my laptop yelled at me.

laptop: beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep!
me: wha?
laptop: i can haz moar beer!!
me: i sorry. i drinked it all up.
laptop: beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep!
me: ::slap::
laptop: ::silence::

so, the beeping stops and i come to the log on screen and come to find out, one of the keys i need for my password to log on is non-functional. oh shit. i had the idea to plug in a USB keyboard and got it working so i was able to log in. yay. it pretty much works for the most part, but several keys don't work.

broken keys:

• right shift key.
• space bar
• the number 6 (which when i hit it, it types an 'h')
• the letter j
• the letter p
• the letter e
  

such random letters, but fun nonetheless. i was planning on blogging a post using the keyboard, but i figured it would be too hard to read.

example:
todayisilldbronmylatoandnowmostofmylttrsdon'twork.thissucks.

translation:
today i spilled beer on my laptop and now most of my letters don't work. this sucks.

so, i called dell and ordered a brand new computer. yay! i've never had a dell before and all i can really remember about the company is that burnout always going "dude ... yer gettin' a dell!" however, this new laptop of mine is going to be pretty sweet--should be for the money i paid for it--and can do a lot of nifty things, including, but not limited to, doubling as a dialysis machine should i need it, act as an iron lung when cigarettes begin to really kill me, and porn.

i can't wait. estimated ship date is september 8th. i shall call him ... jennifer.

so, anyone know anything about dells? did i just fuck myself? i guess time will tell.