they say it happens in 3's ... i've already had 2 ...

last night, after a long day at work and a subsequent drive to my old residence to pick up my paycheck that my temp agency had mailed there instead of the new address they've been aware of since before i moved in, i picked up a new game for my xbox360 that had just come out. 'assassin's creed,' a game i've been waiting for for close to 6 months, was finally available for purchase and once i picked up it--having reserved it months ago--i drove home.

i walked into my apartment, showered, dressed into my lounge-wear and turned on my xbox360, preparing to have some fun ... except ... i didn't get the usual green lights in the front on the 'ring of light' ... nope, instead i got the infamous 'red ring of death' known throughout the gaming world as one of microsoft's major fuck-ups.

the lights blinked and taunted me. i went online and looked up support and did everything i was instructed to do. all for naught. nothing helped. finally, i got fed up and dialed their 800 number and was greeted by a jovial computer voice named 'max'. max was very friendly and offered to wait for me while i attempted things he told me to do. (i had sudden flashbacks to 2001, a space odyssey.) finally, i concluded that max was beyond retarded and i said into the phone, "operator."

max: please hold while i see if anyone is available.

a few minutes later (a surprisingly short hold time) a woman answered the phone, her indian accent thick. i could hear people in the background talking very loudly, some in indian (i think it's called punjabi, not sure) and some in english. she introduced herself as 'claire.' riiiiight. claire. sure, ok. whatever. i tell her my problem. she repeats everything i say back to me, inserting a "now, let me be sure i have this right, joff (that's how she pronounced my name), you are calling because [insert whatever i have already said here]."

me: i have 3 blinking red lights on the front of my xbox.
claire: now, let me be sure i have this right, joff. you have 3 blinking red lights on the front of your xbox?
me: ::sighs:: yes.
claire: what color is the light on your power box?
me: green.
claire: now, let me be sure i have this right, joff. the light on your power box is green and you have 3 blinking red lights on the front of your xbox?
me: yes ::so not amused::

(a lot more of similar transactions so i am skipping ahead a bit.)

claire: well, joff, i am sorry to inform you that i will have to open a repair ticket at this time and your xbox will have to be sent in to be repaired.
me: you're joking with me, right?
claire: i'm sorry, joff.
me: this is ridiculous. i've had this xbox360 maybe a year and a half and it's doing this? this is utterly ridiculous ... retarded, even.
claire: i'm sorry, joff.
me: ::heavy audible sigh:: what now?
claire: i see here your warranty has expired in april of this year, 2007.
me: oh, of course it has. how could i expect anything less?
claire: however, for this 3 blinking red light problem, microsoft gives an additional 3 year warranty.
me: ::sarcastically:: yay, a silver lining.

she proceeds to tell me that all postage will be paid. they will send me the pre-paid box to pack my xbox360 into and instructions on how to pack it and when i should expect a return. i'm so utterly frustrated at this point. you'd think that if you spend close to $500 on something you'd expect it to work, yes? apparently not. i couldn't resist hanging up w/o being a smart-ass tho.

me: now, let me be sure i have this right, claire. you're going to send me a box to pack my xbox into and instructions on how to pack it and my return time could be anywhere between 1-2 weeks with a worse-case scenario of 4-6 weeks?
claire: yes, joff. is there anything else i can assist you with today?
me: no, you've been spectacular. ::hangs up::

so, first my jeep was being shitty with me ... now my xbox360 is being a dick ... what's next? maybe a meteor will crash land on my cable box and i'll be forced to use an old wire-hanger to gain reception so i can watch tv.