fear in dundalk ...

i think i'm a target ... not sure how it happened or who i've crossed, but the cross-hairs are in the middle of my forehead. there's nowhere to run ... there's nowhere to hide ... i'm a marked man ... by the soccer-mom mafia.

this morning, as i was leaving my apartment, in good spirits, i might add ... i found a gift right outside my front door ... a perfectly folded and bleached white sock. i immediately looked around to see if the giver of this unusual gift was around. i was alone. the hallway ... deserted.

"hello?" i tentatively called out. the only response was my echo. i looked down at the sock again and kicked it away as if it were a snake poised to strike. a ripple of fear coursed through my body and i quickly turned, pulled my door shut and locked it. i hurried from the building and climbed into my jeep and sped out of there.

i've heard tales of the soccer-mom mafia many times so i'm familiar with their methods. their first threat is a bleached and perfectly folded white sock. not too long after that, you wake up one morning with a bottle of tide next to your head on the pillow. soon, strategically placed fabric softener sheets will spring up here and there, a constant reminder of their vigilance and that they are watching you ... when they're not at sporting events with their children, i mean, but you get the picture.

i'm not sure what to do or where to turn.

or ... it could have just been a plain white sock found in the laundry room that someone mistakenly thought was mine and left it there for me to find. who knows. let's pray for the latter. i just thought it was strange to see a sock placed equidistant between the door frames where i was sure to see it as soon as i stepped out. jamie musta spooked me last night.