"snap ... crackle ... choking hazard."

ok, this gets it's own post. i'll get on to the new years post in a few.

pre party
this past friday i took a little trip to mr. & mrs.twink's for some wii action before we embarked on our trek to a redneck dive called the gunslinger, or the gunrack, or the severed deer head wall hanging inn ... or something--i forget the name of it--for our friend jackson's birthday gathering.

i arrived a little after 7 p.m. in the mood for the mr.'s wee (or wii, whatever). we planned on leaving the house at 8 so that gave us an hour to play. fun. i can't wait. i've never played the wii before and i was eager to see how it handles. so, the three of sit on the sofa while they both walk me through the creation of my very own mii. (i'm much hotter irl, by the way) after that's done we start a game of bowling. it's really very cool how it works. you swing the remote as if you were holding a bowling ball and at the right time you release a button and your ball is sent travelling down the lane. this is a very ingenious machine and i had so much fun playing. after bowling, the mr. and i were going to box ... well, during the setup of this game, mrs.twink disappears and is rummaging about in the kitchen.

mrs.twink: i'm making rice crispy treats!

i. love. rice. crispy. treats! i'm all excited now. a wii, some sweet, marshmallowy goodness, the company of good friends. what more could i ask for? ... how about 911 on speed dial?

i take a bite of the delicious looking treat and i begin chewing.

mmm, it's so good. but, what's this? hmm. this marshmallow is a bit tough to chew. musta been on the bottom of the pan. lemme chew harder. wow, this is some tough marshmallow. ::chew chew chew::

i get nowhere. finally i decide that i better investigate this kevlar marshmallow and i pull it out of my mouth. yup. it's white, but it doesn't look like marshmallow. i try squeezing it with my fingers and it has absolutely no give.

me: um, mrs.twink ... i, uh ... i think there's something wrong with your marshmallow.
mrs.twink: oh no! what is it? this is the first batch i haven't burned!
me: i dunno. it's hard tho. ::peers at it closely:: i don't think it's marshmallow.
mr.: ::looks over and says nonchalantly:: oh, that's spatula.
mrs.twink: OH. MY. GOD.
me: ::looks at mrs.twink with a mix of fear and surprise in eyes:: you tried to kill me?

i finished the rest of the treat, chewing carefully and, had i discovered anything that wasn't as soft as marshmallow infused rice crispies or marshmallow itself, i would have removed it from my oral cavity and not attempted to mulch it down. however, the rest of the treat was quite good.

mrs.twink: would you like another--
me: no. ::i say before she finishing asking:: no ... no, i'm fine. thank you though. it was delicious.

she could probably make a killing (no pun intended) on rice cripsy treats with built in toothpicks.

the party
so, we arrive at the dive ... heyyyyyy ... and we stroll inside. there's like 9 or 10 people there, 3 of which we know, 2 running the karaoke kiosk, the bartender and like 4 patrons playing pool--one of whom had a very impressive mullet. we later discover that he and his partner are known as "biscuit and gravy" ... rather reminiscent of talledega nights ... "SHAKE AND BAKE!"

i'm nervous. it's been a while since i've been in a straight bar, much less a redneck straight bar. mrs.twink is my beard for the night ... we plan on having sexual relations ... or at least that's what i proclaim in a carrying voice so the redneck breeders think i'm hitting that.

me: i'm really glad i didn't wear my scarf in. they would have pegged me for a fag immediately.

long story short, we actually had a great time. i had a nice buzz going on. jackson seemed sincerely surprised and karaoke was a hoot! mrs.twink and theresa's rendition of sir mix-a-lot's 'i like big butts' was phenom! <3