bird attacks, gift cards, haircuts and maggot therapy ...

good afternoon, all. sorry for the late posting, but i was crazy busy at work today. i started with a program that i used only briefly during a training session and then haven't touched since, so it required a fair amount of concentration.

bird attacks
on my first break, around 8:15, i went outside with several co-workers--daisy dyke and mimi--to have a cigarette. yes, i still smoke on occasion, jamie, but i am smoking far, far less than i used to. anyway, while were out there, we're chatting and not really paying attention to our surroundings and i hear this loud squawk and then daisy is off like a flash, leaving mimi and i standing there in awe and curiosity. suddenly two rabid birds with teeth and huge 8-inch talons flap up by our faces ... ok, so they were black birds, but when something like that is flapping in your face, it's a freak of nature! anyway, so we're all screaming and running away. i'm covering my head, bobbing and weaving--ala martha plimpton's character in the goonies--and yelling, "rabies ..... rabieeeeeeeees!" the birds flap up, give us a crotch shot, then wing away, never to be seen again. it was horrifying. i'm beginning to comprehend jamie's fear of birds.

gift cards
later in the day at around 11:45, my boss comes over to me and taps me on my shoulder. i remove my headphones and turn, not expecting it to be her. my initial reaction is, "oh shit ... they've been tracking my blog," then she sweetly informs me that there is lunch waiting for me, provided by the big boss in recognition of all the overtime our team has been pulling over the past almost 3 weeks as we pulled through a mini-crisis. we get our grab-bags of food--700 south deli sandwiches (they are to die for!)--and are then directed into one of the large conference rooms. there's a small amount of pomp and everyone on the team is presented with a certificate of appreciation (i'm mad that i didn't get a gold star and a lollipop!) and an american express gift card for $25. not bad! i later hung my certificate--expertly printed on a colorjet printer with only a slight bleed in color on the copier stock that was used--in my cubicle. yay! i waited for recess, but it never came. i'm telling!

haircuts
2:30 finally arrives and i head out for home. on the way i decide i'm getting a haircut. i park, get out, walk in and see two of my girls working and no customers at all. i'm so happy. sabrina sees me and greets me by giving me a hug. the next words out of her mouth shall forever remain embedded in my memory until the day i die.

sabrina: are you gaining weight, geoff?
me: yes ... yes i am. thanks for noticing.

she's lucky i didn't kirk out and burn the place down. the look i gave her must have given her some indication that i might claw her eyes out because it was then that she tried to recover from the comment and make it sound like a compliment.

sabrina: it looks good on you. you needed meat. you were too skinny. right lisa? doesn't it look good on him? you're not fat ... you're just meatier. (she's rambling and i look at lisa who is like, "oh no ... leave me the hell out of this one.")

seriously? what am i? a t-bone? meatier? how is that ever a compliment? hey there! gee, it looks like you have crisco legs! thanks. seriously, no ... thank you so much.

shortly after, sabrina found a reason to leave the salon as i was getting my hair cut. i got it, she came back, i left, throwing her a scowl on the way out the door. i'll be back ... and i'll have torches.

maggot therapy
ok. i'm seriously disgusted. i turned on the television and it's on some medical thing and i'm like, "ooh, ok ... i can't watch this shit." then they said, 'maggot' and i did a double take. did they just say? yes ... yes they did. they just showed some old guy's foot with gangrene and all this necrotic tissue and they dress it in sterile bandages with maggots on it. my stomach lurches. they refer to them as "nature's micro-surgeons." ick! the kicker is that they "have to be removed in 72 hours or they will turn into flies."

oh. my. god. can you fucking imagine? flies? swarming about your toes? fucking crawling through your bandages then landing on your food! hey! you were just inside my dead foot! get off my sandwich!

i am so disgusted with television, but i have a kathy griffin to watch.

ciao!