part 1
while on the way home from work yesterday, i watched as a little silver honda civic darted in and around traffic, much like a cockroach might when you attempt to step on him. quick, agile and able to fit into small places.
if anyone is familiar with rt. 170 heading toward odenton, there are several places where the lanes merge from two to one and before one such merge, a large tanker truck decided that this little cockroach of a vehicle was irritating him and thus, started pacing him while still two lanes. the little civic would speed up and attempt to pass the truck, but much to his chagrin, the truck had also sped up and would not let him in. i bet this infuriated the roach.
as the merge neared, the civic made another attempt and this time succeeded ... however, the truck was right on his ass. almost literally. there couldn't have been enough room to walk between them had they been at a standstill and all i saw next was a huge plume of smoke as the tanker truck slammed on its brakes. my first thought is: shit, jack-knife. my second thought is: i think i am about to witness vehicular manslaughter. the tires are stiff and skipping along the road and the smoke is thick and white and the smell of burnt rubber is strong. i slow way down, because, hey ... i don't want in on this.
i start laughing. i think it's a nervous reaction ... or maybe i was hoping for carnage. i don't know. regardless, the civic made it out alive, the truck continued on it merry way and the other motorists--like myself--just shook their heads. the one thing that i did find hilarious in all of this was the sticker on the back of the tanker truck that was from the movie 'dogma' and pictured jesus winking and giving a thumbs up.
apparently he approves.
part 2
does it say anywhere in the bible that you must obey all traffic laws? i mean, i've read the book, though i have certainly failed to commit much of it to memory. the whole leviticus 20:13 doesn't do it for me.
it seems like every time i find myself behind a slow person either on the highway or any road in particular, they have bumper stickers professing their love for christ. i mean, that's great ... you have faith in something ... yay for you, but seriously? get the fuck out of my way. i have places to go.
today i got stuck behind a mini-van with a bumper sticker that read: jesus is the answer. really?
what's the question?
math problem:
2 + 2 = jesus
word problem:
train1 weighing 20 tons is going 60 miles an hour west, while train2 weighing 35 tons is heading east, calculate the speed at which train2 must be travelling for both to meet in san pedro ... answer: jesus.
i hate most bumper stickers, but religious ones really piss me off for some reason. i don't hate jesus, don't get me wrong, i just hate people who are fanatic enough to emblazon their vehicle with praise to the lord. seriously? keep it in church.
if you have any memorable religious bumperstickers, let me know. i'd like to see some of them and laugh.
some that i recall:
- jesus is the answer
- god is my co-pilot
- god is great
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2 comments:
Doesn't it show you how much faith they had? If Jesus was their co-pilot wouldn't he protect them from traffic calamity or the law???
Also I am a huge fan of Buddy Christ, though other versions tend to be to sad and burdened with the sins of the world for me. BTW Kevin Smith huge catholic, his hot wife Aetheist... just FYI
As for bumper stickes I prefer Jesus is my Homeboy
I've enjoyed "My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter" and I was saw a license plate that had this: LTPTL
My friend and I spent a very long time trying to break this code and finally her husband realized it stood for: Love to Praise the Lord.
Why? Why is this necessary?
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