we don't all love barbra!

so, this morning at dunkin donuts, i outed myself to my coffee bitches. i know what you're thinking ... how could they not know, right? i know. i dress well ... i'm groomed ... i make slight innuendos. anyway ...

for some reaon, the topic of barbra streisand came up. michelle, the coffee bitch manager, started singing, "you don't sing me love songs," by neil diamond and barbra streisand and i blurted out the next verse and her eyes got all big.

michelle, the coffee bitch manager (cbm): i love neil diamond!

i affirmed my love for the man as well ... well, maybe not the man in his 'sling-blade-esque' stature, but his music nonetheless.

cbm: i also love barbra!
me: ::shaking my head:: not i
jennifer (my other coffee bitch): you know who loves barbra streisand? jim.

at this point my spider sense tingled. now, jim is a portly fellow of questionable age who has always been very kind to me. when dunkin donuts was closed one saturday morning, when i went into work, jim opened up for me and gave me coffee at no charge. i gave him 5 bucks anyway and told him to keep it if he wanted, or charge me, whatever. he probably ate it. ok, ok ... that was mean ... however, the next line out of jennifer's mouth was a disparaging comment directed at jim and i wasn't going to have it.

jennifer: jim must be gay if he likes barbra ::laughs::

let me clarify, she is the only one who laughed. michelle has known jim for like 15 years ... she didn't find it amusing. i have known jim for maybe 15 days ... i didn't find it amusing. ok, i actually did, but i wanted to set the record straight.

me: hey now, that doesn't mean anything.
jennifer: gays love barbra.
me: ::clear throat:: not all of them. i'm gay and i can't stand her music.

::dead silence; cbm's mouth hangs open a little:: seriously, was it really a shock?

cbm: did you want your bagel this morning?

homophobes make really good iced coffee.

p.s. i don't really think they're homophobes, but apparently they didn't know i was gay. we'll see how they act towards me tomorrow. don't you discriminate, bitches ... i'll own this dunkin donuts! heyyyyyyyyy.

(edit 6:51 a.m. - ok, maybe they are homophobes ... cbm burnt my bagel. bitch!)