overheard at the copier

this is a conversation held between big and tattooed and vivi. vivi is a team leader in my department while big and tattooed is just that ... big and tattooed. she's borderline redneck, though recently she got another tattoo that rather pushes her over the edge into the muddy pig pen i like to call, "tornado-bait trailer trash." her new tattoo is a rather precise representation of a glock .9mm handgun located on the outside of her upper right thigh. it stands approximately 7 inches high and sits back and slightly beneath words that go something like ... "for all the sins i've committed," or something like that. the reason i know that it is on her upper thigh is because the day after she got it, she was using a hair clip to hold her dress up so it wouldn't fall into the ointment she had slathered on. klassy.

caught in mid-conversation:

big and tattooed (bat): yeah, so she went behind my back.
vivi: ::acknowledging grunt::
bat: can you believe that? she went behind my back and got my fiancee's number from one of his friends and then called him in jail. i mean, who does that?

(author's note: please make note that her fiancee is in jail. i've talked to her about this and he won't be out until late 2008. i wonder if they'll get married before then and have the reception in the 'yard' or the 'mess hall.' at least there will be plenty of men there to choose from for best man ... and maid of honor.)

vivi: that's really messed up.
bat: i know. he told me the other day that she had called and she wants to come visit him.
vivi: what?
bat: yeah, i know. you don't call a girl's fiancee ... no, you don't visit a girl's fiancee while he's locked up. that just ain't right.
vivi: it's not.
bat: i'm going to go up into the catskills and find this mountain woman and knock her two teeth out. call my fiancee behind me back. i'll kick her ass.
vivi: mountain woman?
bat: yeah, she lives up in the mountains. i found her on myspace. she doesn't know i know where she is.

and that's pretty much it. not much else to write about their conversation as that was the juiciest piece. bat has many of these snippets of enlightening redneck conversations ... i only wish i would have kept track before i started this blog.

p.s. i just heard this as i was about to publish the post and it's perfect:

bag-lady (the bag-lady cometh ...): i even wore shoes today ... i'm miserable.

my god, people. you can't make this shit up. this is my work environment.